Last Sixteen Bumper Blog Bonanza as Brazil, Colombia, Holland and Costa Rica Advance

I feared that once the group stages were out of the way, that the drama and entertainment that we'd see so far in the World Cup would dwindle. Four games in to the last sixteen and there's absolutely no sign of that being the case.

Brazil's epic battle with Chile on Saturday tea time may not have been the most aesthetically pleasing game, but the peril that the Selecao put themselves under with a a fairly pedestrian performance against a well organised and bustling Chilean side, made for fascinating viewing.

I wrote earlier in the week about how Scolari's side had finally found their stride in this tournament with their win over Cameroon, but as seems to have been the case in their other games, an initial burst of energy and excitement subsided once they lost a goal. David Luiz, despite probably not getting a touch on Neymar's corner, celebrated like he'd won the World Cup single handedly as Brazil took the lead. It would take until the very last kick of the ball for him to enjoy "his" goal properly.

The home side's intensity dropped markedly after they scored. Whether that was down to Neymar injuring himself early on but not wanting to exit the fray, the expectation of the massive home support weighing massively on their shoulders, or the defiant persistence with Fred and Hulk going forward, who knows? 

They were also thwarted, rather unusually, by the referee at timely turns. Howard Webb bucked the trend of officials favouring the hosts, by turning down a first half penalty claim that the watching world would have expected to be given. In the second half he denied Brazil a probable winner, chalking off Hulk's mishit half-volley for a dubious hand ball call. It was upper arm at most, hitting the joint of bicep and tit/pec (depending in your physique), but it was enough of the arm for Webb to wipe it out.

The only man to make Hulk angrier was the Chilean goalie, Claudio Bravo. Time after time, he thwarted the Porto man to keep his side in the game, and did the same in the penalty shoot out.

Said shoot-out was earned through Alexis Sanchez taking advantage of an error by Hulk in the first half. Having failed to control Marcelo's throw in, he was dispossessed by Eduardo Vargas, who teed up the unmarked Sanchez, who found Julio Cesar's bottom right corner to level.

The closing play from the Chileans throughout the game tormented the Brazilians and that Sanchez goal epitomised their World Cup so far, never giving their opponents a minute on the ball, shutting down space as quickly as possible.

Being pegged back should have galvanised the home side to push on, like they did against Cameroon. Instead, they found the Chileans frustrating and stifling, having to resort to long balls forward for the sedate Neymar and ineffectual Fred, before he was hooked. Hulk was the only forward looking lively, but as above, it just wasn't to be his day.

As the game went to extra time, the pressure was all on Brazil. This was evident by their prayers and spirited team talks from their key men. Chile's Arturo Vidal, who had been subbed, showed that his side weren't feeling the intensity just as much, as he chomped away on a choc ice, as his team mates stretched out their cramps.

For many, it would have been unthinkable that the host nation and pre tournament favourites were  on the brink of exiting the WC at the second round. Even more unthinkable was Mauricio Pinilla, a man who couldn't cut it in the SPL with Hearts, almost winning the game for Chile at the death of extra time. A counter attack,with Brazil committed forward, saw la Rojas surge forward, Pinilla receiving the final pass of the move as he found space ahead of David Luiz. His rocket of a shot looked goal bound until the last second as it rose just a couple of inches too high and crashed back off bar.

Now at Cagliari, "Pini-gol" could have been the man to break Brazilian hearts. Instead, he's the heart broken former Hearts man who'll be remembered as the lad who should have put Chile through. 

Penalties would decide the outcome and the lottery of spot kicks favoured the home side where the  officials hadn't in normal time. Julio Cesar was the heroic custodian, saving from both Pinilla and Alexis Sanchez to give Brazil a cushion. David Luiz and Marcelo did their bit to ease the home side's hopes, before Willian missed the target completely and Hulk (what a day, eh) was once more denied by Bravo. 

Chile drew themselves level to make the final kick for each side sudden death. Neymar coolly slotted his pen home, leaving Jara to keep his side in the WC. He didn't though,he hit the post, as fireworks and barbecues and car alarms went off all over Brazil. It was a fantastic end to a match that had been dramatic in all the right places and for all the right reasons. 

There's a good chance that Chile will be the country that is ram raided in the aftermath of this World Cup, much like Senegal, South Korea and Greece were after their successful tournaments in the last decade. Or Colombia.

With all the talk ahead of Colombia's game with Uruguay centred on Luis Suarez, it was only right that the headlines of the actual match were all about James Rodriguez. The Monaco man has been a revelation in this tournament, and after his opening goal last night, he will be a much sought after signature ahead of the new season. If RVP was pissed that Tim Cahill had stolen his Goal of the Tournament gong, (I don't actually know if he was or if he wasn't. I like to think he was) he would have been livid at James last night.

It's not just the ability and execution shown, but it's the awareness he shows before he even has the ball under control that makes the strike a World Cup classic. As he watches the ball drop towards him, he looks over his shoulder to see where Muslera is in his goal. Swatching that the Uruguay keeper is slightly off his line in the middle of the goal, James controls the ball with one touch on his chest and turns, before unleashing the purest of volleys from 25 yards over the goalie and in off the bar. Majestic. Or Jamestic. (Not convinced about that actually. It was brilliant though.)

If his first goal was all him, his second was down to the excellent work of his team mates. A swift move down the right saw the play spread to the left, Armero hanging a ball up to the back post from the edge of the box. Cuadrado chucked himself head long at the ball to not only keep it in play,but nod it down to James who was in the right place at the right time to blast under Muslera to seal the game for Colombia.

Without Suarez, the Uruguayans did indeed look toothless, ( pun sort of, but not really, intended) Cavani not quite as in sync with Forlan as he looked to be with Suarez beside him. Even Godin wasn't at his inspirational best, as the media circus around "Luisito" looked to have taken its toll. There's no denying that his influence on the Uruguay team is captivating, but their performance without Suarez was as half hearted as the excuse he gave about losing his balance to cause him to bump into Chiellini with his teeth.

The third of the second round games saw Holland take on Mexico in a game that saw the first official water breaks debuted. The afternoon heat in Fortaleza made for an interesting game, as the Dutch struggled with the humidity in the first half, with the Mexicans more adept to dealing with the mid-day sun. Cillessen was the busier of the two goalies in the first half, but not by much, flapping at, but nonetheless keeping out Salcido's boomer from 30 yards.

It was from a slightly shorter distance that Mexico took the lead at the start of the second half. With what looked like all of the Dutch players around him, Giovanni Dos Santos somehow found space to arrow a bouncing shot low in to Cillessen's left hand corner to increase the Latino heat. It was a well taken strike from the former Spurs man and looked until late on to be the goal to send Mexico through. Instead, a double dose of late drama stopped them from being the third of four South American sides to advance to the quarter finals.

Guillermo Ochoa was up to his old tricks in the second half, showing why he is such a highly regarded goalkeeper. A fantastic reaction save to stop a bullet header from de Vrij, somehow pushing the ball on to the post from being crouched on the line, was followed up with a stop at the feet of the slaloming Arjen Robben. 

The Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother lookalike seemed intent on keeping his goal intact, much like he did against Brazil. With three minutes left of regulation time though, he fell foul of the kind of Mosby-esque luck that HIMYM's Ted regularly and inappropriately told his kids of. 

A corner from the right was met by an orange shirt, but instead of going goalwards it fell to the edge of the box. Having been largely ineffective for most of the tournament thus far, Wesley Sneijder's strode forward to cleanly blast the ball in to the bottom corner. There was no way Ochoa was saving that one.

With extra time looming, only a ridiculous defensive faux pas could find a winner without the need for an added thirty minutes. Rafael Marquez was the man to provide such a mistake. About a minute in to injury time, Robben once more drove in to the box from the right. Having been denied a stone waller in the first half where he was fouled twice in the same tackle, he wasn't to be denied on this occasion, as Marquez, who as skipper should have known better, clipped him at the bye-line, giving the referee no choice but to point to the spot.

It was a cruel, cruel blow for the Mexicans, particularly so late on, but that's the cost of silly lunges in the dying embers of a match which saw defeat grabbed from the jaws of victory. Klaas Jan Huntelaar expertly fired the spot kick home, sending Ochoa the wrong way, ultimately setting up a quarter final showdown with the winners of Sunday night's game.

That would be Costa Rica, who survived yet more late drama to come away with the win via penalty kicks, in a game that I didn't see much of, but kept my hopes of winning the work sweep alive for another game at least. From what I did see, the first half was quite drab, enticing me to turn over to watch Kasabian at Glastonbury for a while that included me missing Bryan Ruiz' second half goal. 

While not the biggest Kasabian fan in the world, they are pretty good live, and with a line up that included Giorgios Samaras lookalike Serge Pizzorno, Tom Meighan as Krieger from Archer and their bassist the absolute spit of Richard Herring, watching them mug about to Processed Beats, Underdog and Eez-Eh was quite a bit more lively than the match on ITV. 

That was until the last half hour. Duarte's red card and the Greek's firing on as many forwards as possible, put the Costa Ricans under the cosh for most of the second half, and inevitably, they were made to rue it in normal time as Sokritis Pastapathopolous knocked in a rebound in the final minute to earn his side extra time. Having made it to this stage thanks to a late, late penalty against the Ivory Coast, Sokritis' strike looked to be an example of the Hellenic gods shining down upon them once more.

Well, for half an hour at least.

After four well hit penalties each, Gekas saw his spot kick saved, before Michael Umana sealed a date with Holland with his winner for Costa Rica.

And boom, that was a lot of words about four games that mean the first side of thequarter final bracket is Colombia v Brazil and Holland v Costa Rica.

Messi and Musa's moments of magic see both Argentina and Nigeria in to the next round + other bits

Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party is a fairly well known typing exercise that I am lazily using to illustrate the fact that the big players are now making themselves known at this year's World Cup. Neymar was brilliant for the Brazilians on Sunday evening, while Suarez showed his Jekyll and Hyde nature over two games in this past week. Elsewhere, Miroslav Klose became the joint all time WC scorer, while lesser known names like James Rodriguez and Joel Campbell have marked themselves as ones to watch in South/Central America.

However, the one we've all been waiting for, the one who perhaps has slightly more of a nation's hopes on his shoulders than Neymar, Lionel Messi, scored twice against Nigeria to prove that he's ready to shine on the international stage.

Having bailed out his Argentina pals in their opening two games, his goal after three minutes and his sumptuous free kick against Nigeria, should help put any doubt about his international credentials to bed. Alejandro Sabella looks to have given the Barcelona star free reign within his side, and by allowing him to do a similar role to that which he does at the Nou Camp, it looks to be paying off.

While used to seeing Messi tearing up La Liga and having a more European slant on his career, the Argentines haven't always been in awe of him. Having left his home land at a very young age to reside in Barcelona, he didn't go through the Argentine youth system, meaning that his compatriots didn't have as much of a grasp on his development as they had for the likes of Maradona, Batistuta, Ortega and other Argentine luminaries who I can't think of. 

Simeone, there's one.

Instead, he honed his craft in the shadow of the Nou Camp, aided by magnificent facilities, growth hormones and, perhaps most importantly, Pep Guardiola. The Bayern Munich boss just seemed to have "got" Messi from the off, bringing out the absolute best in him, from a coaching, training and belief stand point. This is evident in the performances the 27 year old put in under Guardiola's tutelage and is proven with the myriad of trophies and championships they won together.

However, Messi's international career has been far less spectacular, with his club form perceivably not translating as well when he dons the blue and white. Although, when compared to Maradona, who he is always going to be compared to, he does have a better scoring rate. At time of writing, he has 42 goals in 89 appearances, compared to Maradona's 34 in 91. Where Maradona proved he had the skills, the bite and the flair to inspire his nation's side throughout his storied and celebrated career, Messi hasn't lit the Argentine version of the heather on fire in quite the same way.

But he's getting there.

When Angel Di Maria's blast cannoned back off the post via the Nigerian goalkeeper in the third minute of yesterday's game, a Messi shaped casm opened up in front of goal for the diminutive forward to fill. He duly did, blasting high in to the net, almost taking Sergio Aguero's head off in the process. Having bided his time to find the net in the last two games, Leo was anything but lethargic in the way he took the game by the scruff of the neck, showing that he can finish others' work as well as his own.

It's a shame his defensive pals couldn't say the same, as Nigeria levelled within a minute and a half. A darting run from the half way line from Eminike ended with Ahmed Musa receiving the ball in acres of space on the left. Shifting the ball on to his right foot, he curled a beauty of a shot, high across Romero and in to the far corner.

                         #BOOM

It was an immediate response that silenced the mass of Argentine fans in the stadium, but with Messi in their side, they knew that wouldn't be the end of the scoring.  Di Maria tested Vincent Enyeama in the Nigeria goal from distance, before the Lille stopper made a stunning acrobatic save to deny Messi from a 25 yard free kick.

When given a carbon copy opportunity though, Argentina's number 10 made no mistake. To go back to my typing analogy from the first line of this blog, "the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog" would be an accurate description of how the free kick played out. 

Messi (the fox) curled the ball from the exact same position, in to the exact same area of the goal that Enyeama (the dog) had brilliantly guarded the last time. However, instead of reacting in the same way, he sort of ran towards the ball, before twirling around a bit as it sailed under the junction of bar and post. (Lazy).

               

     #PING

Enyeama, the subject of a fairly funny World Cup meme remarking on his laid back approach, had been undone by a thing of beauty, so don't let his methods of prevention in this instance take any shine off of the execution of the free kick.

With four goals in three games, and looking unbeatable, bookies were slashing odds on Messi grabbing a hat trick in this game let right and centre, in view of the inevitable happening. It didn't though, as it was Nigeria who came out of the traps quickest in the second half, Musa applying a finish from the edge of the area when he was picked out in acres of space amid the Argentine back line.

As has been the case with a lot of the free flowing attacking teams this year, the defences have been woeful. For Musa to find as much space as he did to score his second leveller of the game, in a defence featuring seasoned pros like Zabaleta and Mascherano, it's almost unthinkable that they are among the favourites for the trophy. Sabella seems to have employed Stuart McCall's method fro winning in his team though, as Marcos Rojo's downward header proved to be the winning counter for the South Americans.

With Messi subbed for a wee sit down ahead of their last 16 game against Switzerland, the game ended 3-2 to the Argentines, to see them top the group. Nigeria also qualified as runners up, setting up a choice encounter with France in the second round.

                       #CHUCKLE

The French were kept at bay by 10 man Ecuador's keeper Dominguez in an entertaining 0-0 encounter in the Maracana. The wastefulness that was evident in the first half of France's opener v Honduras was back for this one, wioth Pogba, Griezman and Giroud passing up chance after chance after Antonio Valencia was given a straight red for a nasty, over the ball challenge.With their passage to the next round already secured, the pint saw them top the group ahead of Switzerland,  Xherdan Shaqiri blasting them through as runners up with a hat trick, including another goal of the tournament contender.

A slightly bigger than bite size look at Luis Suarez's latest moment of madness + other things

   

How happy the BBC and ITV pundits must have been yesterday when Luis Suarez decided to chomp in to Giorgio Chiellini's shoulder. With the imminent threat of having to fill a further 30 minutes of air time with disinterested chat about England, their draw with Costa Rica and their abject, bland performances throughout the group stage, the daft Uruguayan's decision to sink his gnashers in to an opponent once more, was the ideal distraction to save the nation from Adrian Chiles' petted lip and more chat of how it all went wrong.

With Italy v Uruguay obviously relegated to ITV 4 in favour of the England v Costa Rica match, it was perhaps fitting that a channel known for its tea-time crime capers broadcast the dastardly doings of dentist dodger Suarez. You don't need to be the  non dead guy in Morse or Bergerac in Midsomer to see that it's a bite. At first glance it could be a head butt, but the angle, the reaction from Chiellini and his "scar", plus the view of Suarez visibly tending to his sore teeth proves without doubt that there is something loose inside Luis. More gnawed genius than flawed genius, perhaps?

The fact that it's not an isolated event and that he has previous with this kind of behaviour should have been warning enough for Suarez to make sure he kept his teeth to himself, on the grandest stage of them all. We all know that high profile players have their vices and bad points; Rooney and the whores, Gascoigne with the drinking and wife beating, Mutu, Maradona and, er, Bosnich with the ching, Twaddle with the gambling etc, but whatever makes Suarez bite may be a harder nut to crack.

Therapy for the above afflictions has worked as a cure of sorts, but no one (to my knowledge anyway) has ever been booked in to The Priory for repeatedly trying to bite chunks out of work colleagues. In the "real world" that behaviour would get you sacked, and jailed if charges were made. However, at time of writing, they are still deciding what his punishment should be on Planet FIFA.

                      SORE TEETH FOR SUAREZ

       

This didn't happen in some back water under 19s game that has likely been fixed, like on that Channel 4 match fixing programme the other night. This was prime time viewing (anywhere but England that is), so whether it was pre-meditated or a heat of the moment thing, Suarez was bound to know he'd not get away with it, with the eyes of the world watching. Knowing the consequences of doing so in club football, having missed the start of last season for his gnaw on Branislav Ivanovic the previous campaign, and having been banned for doing it while playing with Ajax, you'd think he would reign this type of thing in.

Alas, he has shocked the footballing world and the wider, impartial to the World Cup, world with his actions, and in doing so has taken away much of the headlines that his side deserved for advancing to the round of 16. Uruguay's 1-0 victory over ten man Italy saw them progress to the next set of games as Group D runners up, thanks to Diego Godin's 81st minute header/ backer. With Italy only needing a draw to progress, they didn't look too bothered about upping the ante or the tempo in this game, and after Claudio Marchisio was sent off for an over the top and on to the knee challenge, they still seemed reluctant to find a goal that would guarantee their passage through.

                SHOULDER GOAL FOR GODIN

   

Instead, it was the Uruguayan's who capitalised on having the man advantage, but they really should have been a man down as well as their opponents. The winner came shortly after "the bite felt across the world" , where Atletico Madrid's star centre back leapt highest to beat Buffon with a firmly placed shoulder blade connection, from a Gaston Ramirez corner. Not the prettiest goal, in far from the prettiest game, but it sends Uruguay through to a second round tie with Colombia.

For the Italians, it was a second successive World Cup where they have exited at the group stages, and with Cesare Prandelli's resignation imminent, the Azzurri could be set for quite the homecoming in their national press. Perhaps their failure to progress was a little more shocking than England's, but no doubt the papers will tear them to shreds just as much. With it likely being Andrea Pirlo's final WC, it's a shame that we won't see anymore of his nonchalant talent in this tournament, as he looked to be the only Italian capable of lighting up the later stages for them. A seat with Lineker and co at the next World Cup surely beckons.

            SOMETHING TO PONDER FOR PIRLO

   

Costa Rica were the other side to progress from Group D, as group winners nonetheless! Their bore fest of a draw with England saw them go unbeaten in their section, and secures them a second round tie with Greece, who dramatically clinched second place ahead of the Ivory Coast in Group C. With the game headed for a 1-1 draw, a trip on Giorgios Samaras in injury time gave the former Celtic man the chance to score his first international goal since Euro 2012 and send his side through for the first time in their WC history. He did both to set up a tie with Costa Rica, that both Italy and England will look at as a huge opportunity missed.

Having been a torrid week for Côte D'Ivoire, with three members of their squad returning home to funerals instead of festivals after last night's defeat, the nature of their loss was visibly hard to take as they trooped off the park. Goalkeeper Boubakar Barry didn't even want to sit up after failing to save the penalty, while, quite rightly, Kolo and Yaya Toure made a hasty exit for the confines of their emotionally drained dressing room.

Japan's exit was not as dramatic though, taking an absolute scudding from Colombia, as Jackson Martinez and James "Hamez" Rodriguez put on a master class in their 4-1 win to take top spot and set up an all South American match up with Uruguay. The final goal, a delightful lob over the keeper by James, after some great footwork to flummox the Japanese defence, is one of the goals of the tournament so far, and could be the making of him on a more worldwide scale.

Overall, the final games in groups C and D provided the goals and the drama that we have expected of this World Cup, (except England v Costa Rica) but they will be overshadowed by the Suarez incident. The coming days will see what punishment is meted out to the Liverpool striker and what effect that will have on Uruguay's progression in the tournament.    

No stopping Neymar as Selecao are second round bound with 4-1 win over Cameroon plus other stuff.

A combination of working, travelling, travelling to find work and the season finale of Fargo have meant that I've not seen as much of the weekend's World Cup action as I had hoped to. Due to this, the first game I've managed to get a full 90 minutes out of was last night's Brazil versus Cameroon match.

In what was built as being some sort of redemption for the lacklustre start to their home tournament, the Selecao weathered the African storm at the start of the second half to claim top spot in Group A. It wasn't without its whatever the Brazilian/Portuguese for "squeaky bum time" is though, as the Lions Indomitables and Mexico's performance against Croatia threatened to threaten their aspirations of head qualifiers.

It was a night where the assembled masses in Brasilica were looking for a performance, and thanks to some utter majesty from Neymar, they finally got it. At times he fell foul of some rough housing from the Cameroon defence, but for the most part, he was worthy of the hype bestowed upon him. A deft touch here, a pirouette there, and ultimately, two goals and opportunities for a few more saw him shine the brightest of Scolari's stellar side.

Much like in their opener, the buzz of the crowd had the hosts on the front foot for the opening exchanges, but at the back they struggled as Enoh and Aboubakar proved to be a handful for Thiago Silva and David Luiz. Once the game settled in to a comfortable rhythm for the unusually white shorted Brazilans, it was Neymar who took centre stage.

                                                    NEYMAR JR

Having been roughed up and shoved over just moments earlier, the number 10 was on hand to tuck away a great pass from Sammy Davis Jr-alike Luis Gustavo from the left hand side on 17 minutes. Luis Gustavo had wrestled for possession on the left wing before feeding the ball on a plate for the hungry looking Neymar, who opened up his foot to leave Itandje rooted as the ball rolled in to his bottom left corner. 

                   

                         SAMMY DAVIS JR

                  SAMMY DAVIS JR JR

The Pernambuco Arena was rocking in the aftermath of the competitions 100th goal, but less than ten minutes later, a hush of sorts descended upon it and it's fans, as the Africans levelled. Having just checked the BBC report to see who put the ball in, I have realised that the last sentence I wrote is almost identical to what they have. It's not plagiarism if you don't know, right? Anyway, Nyom teased Dani Alves on the right before squaring for Matip, who was in a space the breadth of the Amazon between Silva and Luiz, to find the net from about six yards.

It was no more than they deserved, as they took the game to Brazil after conceding. A corner had been headed off his own bar by Thiago Silva, under pressure from Matip moment to earlier, as they looked to expose a jittery looking defence.

            DEFENDING FROM THE JUNIORS

It was as close as they would get to a shock result though, as Neymar capped a great first half performance with his second goal of the half. Marcelo dispossessed Nyom on the left and with one touch sent the 22 year old poster boy scampering away. As three Camerron defenders came to crowd him out, he dropped his shoulder at the edge of the box and fired low past the wrong footed Itadje to restore his side's lead.

He could have had a hat trick soon after, smashing a fantastic volley from just inside the box right down Itadje's throat, instead of finding the net with it. By this time it was party time for him, as he showcased his showboating skills for the world to see. He received a rapturous reception at half time as a nation expected more of the same in the second half.

He almost claimed a treble in the opening moments of the second half, when a free kick from out on the left gave him an opportunity to deceive Itadje with the shot instead of the cross. With the power and direction almost perfect, the set piece went marginally over the bar.

When the third goal came, it didn't come from the expected source, but it was scored by someone desperate to restore his nation's faith in him and give Alan Shearer a taste of some humble smokey bacon crisp flavoured pie. Fred had been trying a little too hard, along with Hulk in the first half, as chance after chance arrived but failed to be converted.

Ironically, the chance he did take, was more than marginally offside, but sometimes those are the breaks that a guy needs every now and then. Fernandinho's arrival in the second half paid instant dividends, as he flicked the ball out to David Luiz who had popped up on the left side of the box, centring for Fred, whose free header was only ever going to hit the net. The moustachioed striker's counter kept up his record of a goal every other game for his national side, which despite the criticism levelled at him of late, is still a bloody good effort.   

With the game won, and Neymar substituted at the risk of him being injured as the half wore in, news came through that Mexico had gone ahead against Croatia. Then news of a second Mexico goal filtered through before word got around that they were 3-0 up thanks to Chicarito. With only one more goal needed by the Mexicans to top the group, Scolari's side had to up the tempo once more, and thanks to Fernandinho, they grabbed the goal to secure top spot.

A sloppy free kick on the edge of their own box saw Cameroon give up possession too easily, Oscar dispossessing Stephane M'bia. His one touch pass found Fred, who played it back to the Chelsea man, who nudged the ball in to the path of the on-rushing Fernandinho, who toe poked his side to the top of Group A.

For Cameroon, their leveller was as good as their tournament got as disciplinary issues in their match with Croatia and injury to Samuel Eto'o in their opener, as well as their pay dispute before flying out to South America pretty much had them guubbed since Jump Street or whatever the Cameroonian equivalent of that obscure reference referencing a much elapsed time from Superbad is.

A Croatian consolation confirmed Brazil's  position as last 16 qualifiers, along with Mexico,both going through with seven points. While taking to their third group game to get going, the tournament hosts and in particular Neymar, finally found the performance that they needed. 

Their prize is a last 16 tie with Chile, who lost 2-0 to Holland earlier in the day thanks to late goals from Leroy after and Memphis Depay. The Dutch topped their group with three wins to merit a second round tie with Mexico, while Spain relinquished their World Cup defence with a 3-0 win over Australia.

Australia OUT, Spain OUT, England OUT...and it's only the second set of games.

Whether you go down fighting or go down flailing, it's never nice to see your side exit a tournament. However, it can be quite funny watching others' teams disappoint a nation on the grandest stage of them all.

While Australia and Spain were the first confirmed teams to be heading home, England joined them earlier today (Friday) as Italy failed to beat Costa Rica. Of those three sides, their exits have all contrasted in the manner at which they failed to gather points, with the least likely of the trio, probably the most deserving of something.

Australia's loss to the Netherlands wasn't unexpected, particularly given the demolition handed out to Spain by Arjen Robben and co last Friday night. The unfancied Aussies had been unlucky in their opener with Chile, and had given a decent account of themselves, but the Holland game was going to need an even bigger showing from them.

That's exactly what they gave, but couldn't quite hang on to record a famous victory to coincide with one of the World Cup's greatest ever goals. When Arjen Robben slotted home his third goal of the tournament to give Holland an undeserving lead, it looked like Louis van Gaal's side had weathered the storm from the Socceroos, as Ange Postecoglu's side had done well to frustrate and attack the Dutch in equal measure.

However, they couldn't have counted on what the boys from the land of Bouncer's response would be. Former Hearts player, Ryan McGowan ripped a hopeful looking diagonal ball from the half way line in to the path of Tim Cahill. Following the ball with his eyes, the New York Red Bull ascended without the aid of wings to send a tremendous mid air volley crashing off the under side of the bar and in. 

                              FLYING HOME

Inflatable kangaroos were lobbed about the stadium as both sets of fans couldn't believe what they had just seen. Robbie Savage climaxed on live radio. (Get that image out of your head if you can). Cahill celebrated in his trademark style, his shadow boxing with the corner flag perhaps foreshadowing his effort knocking every other strike out in the race for goal of the tournament.

Instead, it would ultimately be a fond reminder of the day they were knocked out of the competition.

The wonder goal saw the Socceroos continue to take the game to Holland and in the second half, they were awarded a penalty, another added to the list of soft awards this WC, for a handball  the box. Australia captain, Mile Jedinak, pulled rank and dispatched the spot kick to give Australia the lead from being a goal down. With momentum now in their favour, they were on course to provide the Dutch with as much if a shock as they themselves had dished out to the reigning World Champions.

The lead didn't last long though, as van Persie restored parity for Holland only a few minutes later. Some neat play in the left eventually found the ball at the feet of RVP in the box, who had time and space to lash it past Matt Ryan. While our of sorts, the Dutch always looked like having goals in them, and the leveller perhaps made up for the dodgy penalty decision, even though it killed the underdog drama of what could have been.

Within ten minutes, the dreams from Down Under were dashed completely, as Memphis Depay's potshot from 25 yards crept past Ryan and in to the bottom left hand corner to seal the win for the Dutch. The most uttered phrase at this World Cup seems to be "the keeper should have done better", and in this instance, it was hard to argue with the pundits. While a powerful shot, Ryan had plenty of time to react, but just couldn't get his stretched arm to it.  

Harold Bishop, Donald Fisher, Alf Roberts, Lou Carpenter, Gaylrand Gillian Blakeney, the guy who plays Paul Robinson, Toadfish and his cousin Stonefish and all of the cast of Heartbreak High, your boys gave one hell of a showing.

While nowhere near as convincing as their win over Spain had been, the Dutch had dug deep to secure their surge to the second stage. They will have to do it without RVP, who picked up a second yellow of the games, but he can rest easy knowing his side have progressed already. The Australians though will contest a dead rubber with Spain without Tim Cahill for the same reason, which would have been a bigger deal had they held out for the win.

                                DONDIESTA LA AEROPUERTO?

That dead rubber comes courtesy of Spain's woeful defence of the trophy they won in South Africa, where a flat and abject loss to a far higher spirited Chile, saw them follow Australia out of Group B. Having been humbled by Holland, the reigning champs were made to look like chumps by the Chileans, where the tiki-taka tactics of possession and passing brought very little end product. A well worked early strike by Eduardo Vargaswas added to thanks to another calamity from Iker Casillas. As is the wont of many goalies in Brazil this year, the Champions League winner punched a free kick clear when a catch would have not only sufficed, but would also have but prevented what followed.

His punch fell right at the feet of Charles Aranguiz , who duly dispatched a a delightful toe dig past the hapless Spanish custodian. With a number of the Real Madrid players failing to ignite the World Cup due to their extended season that culminated in European Cup glory, those amongst the Spanish ranks seem to be feeling it more than most. Casillas has looked shaky since the final & Ramos has been uninspiring at the back and less lethal in attack than he had shown in the club run in. Xabi Alonso's only meaningful contribution will go down as the ignominious name next to the penalty he scored in the 5-1 Dutch drubbing.

Barcelona's relatively torrid season has also seen the like of Xavi, Iniesta, Jordi Alba,  Busquets and Pique continue to be less than the outstanding players the world has come to know them as. Fernando Torres and Diego Costa have been ineffectual in the lone striker role,  playing more like a "False 9" than international number nines perhaps should. The World Cup is anyone's now, due to Del Bosque's boy's demise. 

Anyone's but England's.

         THEY'RE COMING HOME, THEY'RE COMING HOME, ETC....

When Wayne Rooney finally broke his World Cup duck to level against Uruguay, the neutral football fan would have given a wry smile, noting this remarkably not very remarkable achievement. For a player who has been first choice starting striker for England in the last couple of World Cups, to go so long without finding the net has no doubt been frustrating on its own, without the media continually tethering that albatross around his neck. Compared to Thomas Muller's eight goals in seven games record, wasteful Wayne had perhaps been persisted with for longer than the punters would normally put up with.

As Glen Johnson waltzed past the Uruguay left back to pick Rooney out, a nation (not mine, I hasten to add) held its breath then exhaled as one, with Wazza's tap in the perceived catalyst to overcoming adversity and pushing on to greatness. Alas, that wasn't to be.

Luis Suarez had been written off by pretty much all of England going in to this game. His side had been pitiful against Chile, and while heaping the pressure of a nation upon Rooney, they failed to bank on one man running the show for the opposition. Having only just recovered from surgery, the English media were quick to write off the Suarez affect, but what they should have been doing was writing him on to score and subsequently win (as many Scots likely did at 5/2 for a mighty £7 return), to save them from having to embarrassingly retract their words in the aftermath.

Opening the scoring just before half time, the Liverpool striker dinked a deft header over Joe Hart from a sweet Edison Cavani ball from the left wing, force feeding the first few morsels of humble pie in to the mouths of the likes of Adrian Chiles and others who aren't as offensive as Adrian Chiles. It could have been more at the start if the second half, but for unusually poor finishing from both Suarez and Cavani.

Rooney restoring parity had 1966 and all that gubbins back on the lips and tips of the commentators tongues in no time, with ITV's mic man offering up this tasty nugget:

"Rooney's first World Cup goal will hopefully...um...be the first of...eh..some more".

Quality stuff.

Even if Rooney bags a triple hat trick against Costa Rica, it will all be for nought, as Suarez second of the game sealed the three points for Uruguay and all but condemned England to the first flight home. More costly defending saw a long kick out inadvertently flicked on by Suarez's Liverpool team mate Steven Gerrard. His touch meant his international rival stayed onside to keep his tiring legs going, blasting past Joe Hart before being dog piled by his team mates in celebration.

The defensive frailties that had seen the English suffer against an Italian side who didn't have to step up a gear in their opener,  had been their undoing again, as both Cahill and Jagielka failed to deal with the mere presence, let alone skill and power of Suarez. That goal left Roy Hodgson's men needing snookers to stay in Brazil.

However, Costa Rica's shock victory over Italy on Friday afternoon, was more of a foul on the brown for the English, as Brian Ruiz cushioned a header in off the bar, putting the Central American's in the pink, as the whites went down the pocket, to further my billiards based analogy.

The press down south can chalk it up to bad luck, a relatively inexperienced side or whatever they want to blame the tactical miscues on, but the fact is that England just weren't good enough on the night. Sure, if Rooney's header had been a few inches lower at the start of the second half, or if Sturridge had pulled the trigger earlier when in on goal, it may have had a different outcome. 

However they didn't, and there wasn't.

Much of the blame has been levelled at Gerrard, who in the last two months has seen defensive slips, both literal and figurative, ruin what had been an otherwise high calibre season for the captain of the Kop. In my eyes, it was a collective failing and can't/shouldn't be placed on the shoulders of the skipper. He may have indirectly assisted the killer goal, but he wasn't the one passing up chances to at the other end to prevent them having what will now be forty-eight years of hurt.

 

Guillermo Del Torrid for Brazil as Hero Ochoa single handedly blanks the unsinspiring World Cup hosts.

In a tournament that has been woeful for goalkeeping so far, Mexico’s Guillermo Ochoa bucked that trend by single- handedly (and not eleven fingered-ly as Twitter would have had you believe) keeping Brazil at bay in Fortaleza.  The cult hero keeper pulled of a raft of saves to hold the Selecao to a 0-0 draw with his national team, in a game that was bereft of the action and drama that this match promised. Indeed his performance was the highlight of a  game that was interesting only for it’s lack of entertainment.

                                            NOT REAL

Being an already drab encounter, the BBC seemed intent of draining all colour from the occasion for British viewers, by putting Mark Lawrenson on co-comms duty for it. Putting it on in black and white is the only way the game could have been viewed any more drearily, as Lawro remained unenthused by anything that went on for the whole ninety minutes. Granted, the game itself wasn’t the most entertaining, but when Jonathan Pearce, a man who seems oblivious to social media the majority of the time, starts looking up Daniel Sturridge’s Twitter feed just to create small talk with you, you should know that you need to liven things up.

Having commentated on my fair share of SPL bore fests in the past, I know how much turd polishing needs to be done to make the most wretched of games sound appealing to the listener. Vivid description, over egging of simple plays and decent storytelling are vital in keeping your audience gripped, however poor the fare may be. Lawro however fails to adopt or adapt to that way of thinking.

When a Brazil move broke down for offside, the replay, which would normally garner some sort of analysis, was greeted with a grumpy “There you go”, allowing the picture to tell us the thousand words he couldn’t be arsed to give. When describing one of Ochoa’s fine first half stops, he discredited by saying “ he’s hit it straight at him”, while begrudgingly describing a similar save later in the game as a “top stop”. The cherry on his dog –food cake of an attempt at  commentary was referring to Chicarito - a player he’s watched and withered on about over the last few years on Match Of The Day – as “Hernando”.

It was as if he wasn’t even trying.

Which is something that could perhaps be levelled at Scolari’s side, as they struggled for rhythm, fluency and everything else that they should have been showing in bucketloads. With the expectations of a nation on their shoulders, the pressure is perhaps playing on their minds, but that shouldn’t stop them from minding how they play in front of their noisy and expectant home fans. When they did huff and puff enough to break down a sturdy Mexican defence, they found Ochoa to be in unbeatable form.

The first of his heroics came when Dani Alves rifled a cross from deep on the right, on to the newly tinted head of Neymar. His header had all the power, direction and accuracy needed to direct the ball inside Ochoa’s right hand post, but didn’t bank on the keeper’s right hand, er, hand clawing it out acrobatically. The missed chance for Neymar had  the Brazil cROwd on it’s feet, sensing IT wouldn’t be long until they made the breakthrough, and it looked like they may just get it before half time. Neymar this time lofted  a free kick in to the box from 40 yards, which was awkwardly yet skilfully chested in through a ruck of Mexicans by Thiago Silva. With three yellow shirts in yards of space, Fred and David Luiz fought for the loose ball. PSG’s new signing won and toe poked goalward only to be denied by Ochoa making himself big, like all good goalies should.

                                            UNREAL

The second half followed much the same pattern, as Mexico offered little going forward, absorbing lots of Brazilian frustration for the most part. Ochoa then made it a hat trick of great saves to deny Neymar, as a ball in form the left was expertly controlled by the home number 11. A half volley was smacked towards goal form eight yards, but the former Ajaccio stopper positioned himself sturdily enough to repel the shot, before it was hacked to safety. Moments later, Neymar turned provider, whipping a free kick right on to the forehead of the unmarked Thiago Silva. The Selecao skipper smashed the ball at full pelt with his forehead but was denied by a lightning quick right hand, reacting superbly to block the ball on the line.

It may not have been as spectacular as his stop from the Neymar header, but that save may just have secured Mexico’s place in the next round. With Ochoa a free agent after leaving relegated Ajaccio at the end of last season, this game may have set him up for multiple job offers at the end of the tournament.

If Brazil are to make it to the end of the tournament they will need to perform much better going forward. Their back line was barely breached, with Julio Cesar only forced in to two saves of note. Hector Herrerra’s 25 yard blast was safely and spectacularly tipped over in the first half, while Jimenez’s late angled volley from the edge of the box brought out Cesar’s strong wrists late in the game. Defensively there wasn’t much to do, but they should have done much more going forward.

Oscar had shone against Croatia, but barely glistened in Fortaleza. Fred again provided very little up front, while Dani Alves and Marcelo were poor on either flank. Perhaps too eager to make up for his own goal in the opener, Marcelo was slaughtered universally for going down in the box as the game neared it’s end. In a World Cup where soft penalties do seem to be the in thing, it was a shock that he didn’t get the spot kick for feeling a defender’s hand on his shoulder, but with space in front of him and full control of the ball, there was no need for him to take a dive like he did. It summed up his night.

                                            TYPICALLY REAL

The Mexicans will be much happier with that result than the Brazilians, even though they didn’t do much to cause the hosts a threat. At times it felt as if they had parked a bus that the locals weren’t to keen to get on to, and even if they had, the driver would have palmed them away.

It sets up both side’s third group matches quite nicely, where the pressure will all be on Brazil to perform against Cameroon.

Elsewhere in Brazil, Belgium came from behind to beat Algeria thanks to the inspirational super sub Merouane Fellaini, a tag not afforded to him at old Trafford last season. In the other game , Russia drew 1-1 with South Korea in a game where both goalkeepers forgot they had hands. 

Muller Time for Germany as Thomas' hat trick and Pepe's idiocy induce a TV nightmare on Portugal (and this blogger)

The 2014 World Cup is the most technologically advanced Coupe de Monde of all time. Fact. We have the goal line technology (and it works) and we have the referees and their spray cans (which also look to work).We have that amazing overhead camera that I know has been used for years, but still looks amazing; we have players tweeting selfies with physios, politicians and multiple versions of themselves and fans tweeting players and pundits with opinions, praise and complaints.

                                                        # BALOTELLILAD

We also have various platforms on which we can keep up with the games; live blogs, digital radio and of course live footage on mobile and tablet devices. These are ideal for me, as my commute home from work coincides with the kick off of the second half of the 5pm game. Believe it or not, kjisnotinbrazilfortheworldcup blog fans, I am but a lowly social media advisor, and not the professional football writer that you may have been led to believe as you scroll through these pages.

Instead of being paid to offer my analysis, musings and such like on the beautiful game, my bills are paid by asking people for their full postcodes via Twitter and being a First World Problem Solver on Facebook for a Hong Kong based mobile telecoms company. It's not the worst of jobs, as it makes me appreciate that in comparison to people with nothing better to do with their lives than complain that they haven't been able to use Facebook for an hour, by telling me this on Facebook, my life is quite sweet.

It's upped my tolerance for certain things (mainly technology and morons) but it's human nature to be frustrated when you can't get what you want.

For example, I really wanted to watch Portugal versus Germany yesterday. Having seen the first 30 minutes via the work WiFi and my iPad (#humblebrag), I was content with knowing I'd miss the latter part of the half in order to get my train. Half past five came and I went, making a beeline for the lower platform at Glasgow Central, going past the big clock in the centre of it at my usual time.

However, as the Germans were making a fine example of their well known efficiency, Scotrail were not, as for some unknown reason, my train had already been and gone. This was a setback.

With forty minutes to wait for my next train, I opted to find somewhere that I could sit in peace to get the start of the second half. iPad out again, I went back on to TV Catch Up to continue my viewing. This would be TV Catch Up that doesn't work over a cellular connection. With my Sky subscription cancelled as of Saturday, SkyGo was a no go and having seen Tony Pulis was commentating on Five Live, I decided no picture was better than this audio.

I took to Twitter to see the Germans were 3-0 up and the Portuguese were a man down, with STV offering a replay of Muller's second goal. Then it hit me.

Ess Tee Vee Dot Tee Vee Dash Player!

I quickly scrambled to the log in page and decided to hell with it, I'll "Login using Facebook", that most infuriating of options given. All I want to do is watch some football, I don't want to give you access to my photos and contacts, but if I must, to save literally twenty seconds of using my email address to register, then so be it.

                                                          DOESN'T WORK

Incidentally, by the time I had thought of STV's online channel, I had five minutes to get my train, so I logged in and left it at that until about Rutherglen. I'd missed the opening 18 minutes of the second half by this point. As soon as the four black dots appeared in the top left corner, the indicator that video will work on my device, powered by the company I work for, I went right back to Ess Tee Vee Dot Tee Vee Dash Player, only to be asked to login again!

I did as was asked. Apparently I was already logged in, which I had banked on in the first instance. Not to worry, I closed down the open window, rebooted it and sure enough I got in. World Cup 2014 was clicked, and the right-side-facing triangle known as the play button appeared over a picture of Switzerland v Ecuador. This wasn't the game I was looking for. I then spotted "Portugal v Germany Live" and touched on that picture. Sure enough, up popped the play button over the right picture and the QuickTime icon appeared. And stayed there.

For a while.

Until eventually the buffering circle began to move and a couple of adverts came on. By this point, I knew it was becoming a futile task, as there was about 10 minutes left of the game and I was halfway home. With the ticker on the advert counting backwards from 30, it wouldn't be long until I was watching the destruction handed out by the Deutschlanders to the Pepe-less Portuguese. The half minute elapsed, but no video came on. Just the same adverts again.

And with that, I gave up, and finished writing yesterday's blog instead. When I got home I did manage to catch the goals on the Beeb, but a game with a 4-0 scoreline and a ridiculous sending off was worthy of more than just the 40 seconds per incident afforded to it. Which is really why there's not much about the game in this blog.

First world problems, eh?

From what I did see before my catastrophic commute, the penalty awarded for the tug on Goetze was soft, probably a little harder than Fred's for Germany, but still soft. Muller made no mistake as he set himself on his way to a hat trick. Tony Kroos' delivery and Mats Hummels' header was Vorsprung Durch Technik personified, while Rui Patricio was more Basil Fawlty in trying to fend off the Germans.

Muller should be very grateful to the Portuguese goalie for gifting him his first international hat trick. How getting your whole body behind the ball results in the ball ending up in the net always baffled me when it happened to me in my goalkeeping heyday, but seeing Muller's second last night, I still can't get my head around it. Rui Patricio effectively made himself in to a ramp for the strike to go up and over, instead of being a wall with knees, to deflect the ball away.

                                                              

                                  ANGRY PIRATE LOOKING THOMAS MULLER

The final goal was just pish goal keeping. Having been bemused at Puma's odd boots thing they have going on, it was only a matter of time before I thought I'd see the odd gloves out in force for the goalies. On this occasion, Rui Patricio may have been better off with the boots on his hands, as he served the ball up to Muller on a grass covered plate.

Amidst the goals, there was some classic Pepe for the Portuguese to hang the defeat on. While not as violent as the Palacios-Pogba clash from the night before, the fact that the Real Madr-idiot went back to Muller to drop the cabeca (Cah-beh-sah) on him implied intent, so he had to go.

                                                      REAL MADRID-IOT

And with it went the Portuguese hopes of mounting a comeback. From the accounts I've read, Flat Ronaldo was anonymous, giving up on his man when he lost the ball as Germany almost grabbed a fourth, and hitting a very non Ronaldo free kick, which Neuer wristed to safety.

Similar to my inability to watch the game, Portugal seem to have been disconnected, not on the same channel as one another and haven't made an enjoyable start to their World Cup journey.  Much like Spain, their bounce-backability will be severely tested in their second group game, having suffered such a heavy opening game loss. For Ronaldo, this World Cup will be all about cementing him as the complete package at club and country level this year, but his club mate Pepe, put paid to any plans he had of getting on the way to that feat with his country.

The Germans on the other hand will be buoyed ahead of their next game, and with Muller making such a good start to the tournament, he could close in on Miroslav Klose's current German WC record of 14 goals, now that he is on eight in seven appearances.

In the day's other games, Iran and Nigeria gave up the tournament's first incident-less match with a 0-0 bore draw, while USA beat Ghana 2-1, Clint Dempsey kicking the soccer ball in to the goal bag in the first 30 seconds, Andrew Ayew levelling in the 82nd minute and John Brooks bulleting a header home with four minutes left. That win made up for two defeats in the last two World Cups that the Ghanaians have inflicted on 'Murica.

Goal-line gizmo gaffes galore as Benzema blasts le Bleus to victory over hot headed Honduras.

                                                      Allez les Bleus 

Remember that blog from a few days back, when I was praising the BBC's coverage? I may have to rescind a few of my plaudits from it, after the catastrophic commentary of the past few nights. I think Twitter had dealt enough with Phil Neville's aural Horlicks on Saturday night, so I didn't dwell on that in yesterday's bit, but Jonathan Pearce's incredible reaction to the first use of goal line technology for France's second goal of thier 3-0 win over Honduras hasn't had nearly as much scrutiny as it should.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/27859408

The Beeb have done a good job in editing the sound on this clip to make him not come across too buffoonish on it, indeed it's made Clark Carlisle sound like an idiot instead. He must have been the only person watching the much lauded and long awaited debut of the goal line system, to not have had a scooby as to what was going on. The watching world knew that the initial effort had hit the post and not gone in, so while the replay at that point was a little surprising, no one was under any duress that the point of entry was when the ball bounced off the Honduran keeper.

                                        NOT IN

                                              IN

When it was shown to have crossed the line at that point, Pearce fell in to a self induced panic, doubting the technology and wondering how they could award the goal when it had been given as no goal before being given as a goal. You'd think that a man who has made a living out of seeing goals fly in for decades would be clued up on when a goal isn't a goal, especially now that the GLT is in place. 

Instead his buffoonery has made him a meme, a gif and all sorts of target for online abuse (sorry Jono). Moments before the goal, he had admitted to being duped in to thinking Raheem Sterling had scored for England the previous night, while out for dinner, and vowed he'd not be caught out like that on commentary. He offered this nugget up after Blaize Matuidi hit the side netting, which he also initially thought was a goal. 

Having done it myself, to a far lesser extent on MFCTV, commentary can be hard to do when you are caught in the heat of the moment. I once stated on air that I'd give back my fee for the night (a pie and a programme) if Gary Mackay Steven hadn't scored for Dundee United, so sure was I of the scorer. 

It was Johnny Russell. 

However, being 60 yards behind the goal and not having the benefit of multiple replays from multiple angles I had to wait until after the game to realise I had got it wrong, for which I apologised. As hi-tec an outfit as the Motherwell media team were, we didn't have that luxury, and thankfully,nor did we have a worldwide audience to cast me up for it.

Perhaps as a way of making Pearce feel better, Gary Lineker chimed in post match to question why we should believe the GLT to be accurate. "Is there someone behind the scenes frantically drawing a ball over the line?" (Paraphrased) , he mused to his fellow pundits, who must have thought Rio Ferdinand was at one of his hilarious World Cup Wind Ups.

As remarkably laughable as the whole Pearce confusion was, it did serve as some light relief in a game which wasn't bereft of drama from the off. With the Hondurans coming in to the game with a clogger's reputation, it was clear they wouldn't end the game with a full quotient of players. Bone crunching challenge after challenge was weighed upon the young French side, who mostly have the same kind of magnificent names as the 1998 World Cup winning squad.

For Zinedine Zidane, see Paul Pogba; Youri Djorkaeff, see Mathieu Debuchey, Bixente Lizarazu, see Blaize Matuidi. Those new names have a decent chance of emulating the older ones, if they get over their wastefulness in front of goal.

The first half was all one way traffic from the French, interrupted by motorway crashes and pile ups along the road. Wilson Palacios was the most reckless of Honduran drivers, obviously losing something in the translation of whatever the Honduran for "break up play" is, to read it as "break up the players". Tasty from the off, it was his thud,stamp and kick at Paul Pogba, and his theatrics after Pogba's retaliation that took things from a simmer to a boil. 

Both men could easily have gone off, arguably more so Pogba as Palacios thuggery was only clear upon replay, where the Frenchman's kick out was instantly spotted. However, a wee lie down on the stretcher and a yellow card sufficed for Palacios, with Pogba given the same.

It was only a short stay of execution though, as an idiotic barge in to the back of Pogba in the box got him the early bath he'd so keenly been looking for.

                                       BARGE

Karim Benzema's short run up generated a thunderbolt of a penalty in to the bottom right corner to give the French a 1-0 lead at half time. It should have been much more though, as they laid siege to their opponents goal when football was actually played in the first half. Valbuena created chance after chance down the right, Benzema and Cabaye were denied by last ditch defending and decent goalkeeping, with Valladares making a great stop from Matuidi and Griezman canyoning a header off the bar.

Didier Deschamps obviously noticed the lack of bulging net Nd sent his side out in the second half to make amends, which they heeded within five minutes of the restart. Technically, it didn't bulge the net, but we are all agreed it did cross the line, right? Good. It went down as an own goal the keeper for his fumbling hands nudging it over.

As the game went on, France remained in control of the ball, while the Hondurans failed to control their limbs. They were fortunate to just have Palacios red carded, particularly after a nasty high challenge by Emilio Izaguirre went unpunished, despite the linesman looking like he wanted to murder Emilio for it. 

Benzema wrapped up the game with another blast, this time from an angle after Sakho's free kick found its way to him eight yards from goal. He must have been raging to find out that he didn't have a hat trick at the end of the match. Instead, his side had a hat trick of points (three), cuts and bruises all over the shop and the summit of Group E.

In the other Group E match, Switzerland came from a goal behind to ruin my coupon in injury time against Ecuador, while Lionel Messi scored a worldy in a nervy 2-1 win for Argentina over Bosnia and Herzegovina. 

Peerless Pirlo propels Prandelli's Italy to 2-1 win as rueful Rooney reluctantly reprises wide role.

Having deliberately turned over, switched off or done something else completely when both BBC and ITV's pundits have brought up the subject of England's hopes for the tournament, I'm not entirely sure as to what the media's expectations of Roy Hodgson's side were, ahead of their game against Italy last night.

I tweeted that despite being half English, I have no affinity at all to their national sides in any sport, football or otherwise, and that is mainly down to the media side of things. Geoff Hurst this, 1966 that, Gascoigne and Italia '90, Three Lions eating Vindaloo and all that jazz. It's all living in the past and maybe in some small, remote part of my head, there is a hope that they win something soon, just so they can add something new to their repertoire of stale nostalgia.

As Scots, we too are nostalgic when it comes to our national team. We have to be, as it's been so long since we qualified. Becoming unofficial World Champions in 1967, going unbeaten in West Germany in 1974, Ally's Army, Gordon Strachan putting his leg on an advert board, and Craig Burley going from not as much of a villain to full on villain at France '98. Times to reminisce about indeed, and if there had been any type of success in that time period, we too would be harping on about it, of that I have no doubt.

But we haven't, so we don't, which means that come the next time Scotland do qualify for a major tournament, there will be very little media pressure on the squad, in comparison to that which befalls the English team every two to four years.

If there was the usual hyperbolic hype and media pressure around their opening game, then it didn't faze them in the opening stages. Raheem Sterling and Danny Welbeck, an unfancied selection by many before kick off, started the game at pace, with Sterling's early blast fooling the BBC in to thinking England had gone a goal up. The trifecta of Sterling, Welbeck and Sturridge looked lively from the off, giving the Italians problems down the wings, which the Azzurri defence by and large dealt with fairly well.

With Gigi Buffon injured, Salvatore Sigiru was put in goals and managed to fill the veteran goalie's gloves quite well, adopting the increasingly frustrating parry and push when a catch would do, with a number of low shots from distance. Despite the width that England created, it was potshots from distance that troubled Sigiru the most.

After the early flurry of England possession, Italy gained a foothold on the game, with everything going through one man, Andrea Pirlo. Even in the sweltering mid evening heat of Manaus, he barely broke sweat, dictating play after play, directing traffic in front of and behind him, without ever having to up his pace.

Here he is eating a peach. This may or may not have happened during the game.

Indeed the fastest he ran was to dummy the ball for Italy's opener. The set-pieceiest of set piece corners was taken to the edge of the box, where Pirlo let the ball run by him to Claudio Marchisio,who smacked the ball through every England player in the box and in to the net from 22 yards. It was the simplest of goals for Prandelli's side to score, and likely one that should have been far easier to defend than Hodgson's side made it look.

What they lacked in alertness at the concession of that goal, the English made up for with speed to get themselves level within 90 seconds. Wayne Rooney's only meaningful contribution of the match had him scampering down the left wing to pick out Daniel Sturridge, who blasted the ball past Sirigu from close range. 

It was the type of quality that Rooney seems to show sparingly in the World Cup, which must be as frustrating for him and his team mates as it is for the England fans. He may be played out of his favoured position under Roy Hodgson's regime, but that doesn't mean that he stops being talented. 

Great players can adapt their game to most systems, and while being played out wide for England might not be where he wants to be, he has to assert himself wherever deployed. I wouldn't necessarily want to sit next to Allan Kyle at work, but if I had to, I'd still put a shift in, despite being made to feel ridiculously uncomfortable next to him.

Instead of building on his delivery for Sturridge's goal, Rooney let the game and position get to him, most notably in blasting a corner kick straight out of play in the second half. By that time, Italy had retaken the lead through Mario Balotelli.

Having been denied a fantastic lobbed goal by the forehead of Phil Jagielka, Super Mario netted what would be the winner, ten minutes in to the second half. Candreva was given too much freedom on the right by Leighton Baines, crossing for the Milan striker to head home at the back post. 

Balotelli's performance was rather muted, with those mentioned efforts the only real goal bound chances he had. He could have gambled a bit more when Candreva was pinging balls in to the box in the first half, but shortly after his goal, he was subbed off.

Rooney then missed a gilt edged opportunity to tie the game from eight yards, but he shot wide of Sigiru's right hand post, as the keeper dived to his left. It summed up the frustrated forward's night. 

After that, Italy remained in control of the game, without having to go up a gear. The closest they came to increasing their lead was a magical free kick from Pirlo, which swerved and swooped goalwards, with Joe Hart static, only to see it bounce off the bar and away.

Things may have happened in the last ten minutes, I fell asleep.

With Costa Rica taking three goals off Uruguay in the earlier game, Italy had to settle for 2nd spot after their 2-1 win, with England sitting neatly in third in Group D. Despite the defeat, English fans can be relatively happy with the performance, and with Uruguay looking very ordinary they shouldn't have any fears of getting out of the group, unless Joel Campbell can inspire another shock for the Costa Ricans. 

In the other games from yesterday/last night/this morning, Bony and Gervinho secured a 2-1 win for Ivory Coast over Japan, and Sofia Vergara inspired Colombia to a 3-0 win over Greece.